I’m not embarrassed to say that Christmas is simply all too much for me. For the last five or so Christmas’s I’ve been fortunate enough to go on holiday to Lanzarote. As well as getting away from the biting English weather for much warmer climbs, I enjoy getting away from all the furor surrounding Christmas that I’d simply rather not participate in. This unfortunately I do not have the opportunity to do so and to be honest, I’m dreading it.

Firstly, it seems to have crept up behind me without any warning, I know people say this all the time but its even worse for me as I can usually relax and completely disregard Christmas. Christmas has crept up and I’ve still completed none of my shopping, not that I want to do any of it. Looks like I might have to buy my girlfriend a Porsche Cayenne to make up for the lack of presents on Christmas morning!

I think the thing I hate most is the obligation to adhere to widely accepted conventions, like the need to buy presents and the need to gorge yourself on mountains of fatty, high-carb food on Christmas day. It is not only the fact that you feel you have to do it, but also the odd looks you get if you don’t. That annoys me, I cannot think of a subject the bores me more than Christmas, perhaps personal contract purchase.

Putting up decorations always seems to cause more stress for people than it’s actually worth, people get so worked up about doing it and seem to spend all week on what is a completely pointless activity. What possible benefits do people get out spending hours adorning their house with sparkly trinkets? I’d rather read a book the Audi Q7.